Banishing scapegoats (building creator consciousness)
Feeling a victim of circumstance, what can I do? Fight back? Against who? Possibility works through me. It can only offer what I allow myself to express of it. Yet I fear becoming the creator. With this power comes responsibility. What if I abandon me? How can I be sure that I will be a beneficent creator?
It is a matter of denial, for whether I recognize it or not, I am creating. I may use a scapegoat to do it for me. God may be my scapegoat. Perhaps I have employed a hateful God. In this way, I can punish myself through God. I can suffer under God. I can prevent myself from having and not fully understand the reason, for it is in God's hands.
Responsibility is creative. Responsibility is a measure of creative prowess. It is a developed discipline for self-definition– for deciding what self is and what self becomes. It is a skill at shaping self. It is a skill for recognizing and choosing valuable opportunity (possibility towards greater self-valuing) (possibilities toward expansion).
Fear of the power has me shirking the responsibility
I get angry when I am told that I am responsible for my condition. After all, it is in my interest to believe otherwise. I have accumulated so much unlived life that it is overwhelming. If I begin to believe that I am responsible, then there will be hell to pay. I'm the one I'll have to come to with all the questions. I'll have to answer to myself. It means that there are no excuses and I can create whatever I want. I'm not sure I can handle this power. I'm not sure I can trust myself.
This is the reason I adopted this view in the first place– the view that it is someone else who is responsible. Because it is too painful to be in this amount of denial at once, I refuse to be conscious of it. The pain is too great, so I deny– deny and project.
The answer to pain is within me– and within no other. It is my pain. It originates in me. It is my signal and it is for me to attend to. My pain cannot be alleviated by others. The change must begin in me.
Is my God a filter for possibility, or is my God the all-possible? Does God put limits on the spirit? Do I, as a dweller in spirit– a center of a field of consciousness, attach these limits in my interpretation of God?
Does a flower create itself? It is infused with the spirit of its becoming. It grows. It welcomes rain and sun (nourishment). It responds to its environment and to its inclination and intent to grow, given accommodating circumstances. Does God grow the flower or does the flower grow itself? Does the flower worship? What agenda does the all-possible have for this flower? Opportunity alone. The flower has its knowhow. This knowhow is in the seed. It begins to energize and build from what is provided.
How am I different? Am I not the all-possible inherent in myself and responsive to my environment? What has faith to do with it? Active in my experience, a center of a field of consciousness, I manage energy at whatever level of prowess. What limits are there on what I'm able to create in my experience?
Life is a test of faith. A test of faith in myself or in the God that I create (if I create one), and that God’s compassion for me. I may create or find a God to do it for me, yet I chose this God. I am creating through this God by what I allow or disallow.
It's such an overwhelming responsibility that few take on the power and accept this right– the right to create. My creation will always be tempered by my environment– and my regard for that environment (all others), even if this regard is forced, by necessity, through conflict (karma).
What is self-healing? Self-healing is taking responsibility into my own hands for my health. It means self-referencing, learning what I need– making myself my own resource, empowering self, discovering self, accepting that ultimately relying on others for diagnosis is giving up power. To put an end to sharing the steering wheel with others but instead steering my own life. At the helm, in the driver's seat, making choices by consulting myself. I am in my own hands.
I create me. Regardless of whose information I am using (my own or someone else’s) it is my use of it– what I believe and the cumulative thinking, feeling, imagination, and beliefs that create my reality– my circumstance– my health. If I am seeking to improve my current reality, circumstance (health) then it is I who must improve my information. To go to the source, to the self-center (soul).
Overcoming the denial of responsibility, power and possibility.
In my process of developing a deeper and deeper respect for the power of creation, I seek to align with this power. I do this by working to understand the how, why, what, where and when of this all-creating power. I look at how it enters my experience and what brings it to me. I identify the power with the carriers. When I am young, my father and mother may be its carriers. The very sustenance of life, because it comes through them, they are Gods. As I grow in my awareness, I realize that Mom and Dad are in fact carriers (channels) of a power– that there are other Moms and Dads and other children, nature, etc.
At some point, I realize that this power is in me. How much is in me? How much will I take? How much responsibility will I assume? How much will I give away? What sort of struggles will go on between myself and those who were this power's keeper for me, whilst I readied myself to wield it?
Responsibility for creative power is assumed by various degrees. Some exercise little, while others exercise much. For those in avoidance of growth and learning, the truth of what power can be exercised by humanity is a matter of fact. Others recognize it as a process of empowerment and with each step, exercise more. While engaged in this process, the power is projected onto both people and symbols (all carriers).
In this process, whatever power has yet to be assumed is wielded (controlled) by others. I am at the mercy of these carriers. I am at the mercy of whatever Gods I create. The power is given away. As I grow, I begin to take more responsibility. The power is then "taken" (recovered) from whoever or whatever it had been previously projected onto (given away to).
When at the mercy of the carriers, I must meet whatever demands are made by the projected source. I project power out, then allow it to return, but only to the degree with which I meet my own projected sense of deserving. With or without a God, the process is natural. I cannot act outside my own sense of deserving. If my unacknowledged (subconscious) goal is to avoid as much responsibility (vital living) as possible, then I will undoubtedly make mechanical the entire process. My life will be a narrow and repetitive powerless venture. The value and meaning that life has will be dictated by my previous projection and will, because it is out of my hands, fail to be upgraded. I have managed to give away meaning, value and power. My health breaks down and I can trust that it is all part of my God's will.